As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
