After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize