She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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