i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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