Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
