True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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