God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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