I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
