You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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