Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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