he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
