So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
