My balls are so social today.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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