I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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