i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
These tits shall not be calmed
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