I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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