Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
