My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
