They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
