imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
