tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
