so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
