he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
