Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
