i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
