So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
