Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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