the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
