May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
