there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
