Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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