You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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