is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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