I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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