I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
