I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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