Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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