Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
