Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
