There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
