they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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