just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
