Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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