seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
