I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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