Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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