There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
