She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
