12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
