I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
