I wish life had little blips of pornography
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
