Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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