I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
did i just pee glitter
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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