I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
