Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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