3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
