the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
