Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
