I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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