I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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