I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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