You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
