Don't you send me to vm
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
