People in love make me want to vomit
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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